2.27.2009

When I Am Crowned King...

1. No one shall chew with their mouth open. It's a disgusting habit. If you are caught you shall be put in the stocks for a minimum of two days. If you chew chips with your mouth open, the punishment is increased. You shall be drawn and quartered.

2. Endorsing the everyday use of slang, regional corruptions, leet speak, Internet talk, or any other form of butchering the English language will be considered a capital offense. If caught speaking or utilizing said abominations, you will be forced to read and write a report about a classic novel. If it's done in my presence, your tongue will be cut out and your hands cut off so that you may never again harm anyone with your ill expressed thoughts.

3. Reality Television will be banned and replaced with new episodes of M*A*S*H, Firefly, Seinfeld, and autobiographical dramatization of my exploits.


4. March 28
th will be a named a world holiday and everyone will be required to buy me presents.

5. Chris Jenkins shall not touch his crotch ever again.

It would be good to be king.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

6) Guys must not wear shorts go that far above the knee. Especially older men. Like my dad :(

7) The Game is banned. And you lost.

8) Mario Party is the new national pastime. Even though Eric has all the cheats.

Rigo said...

9) I will no longer lose the game. Whoever tries it will be shot.